Dear Santa,

I would like to ask for a few favors.

First, Lucy Davis is one of the HOTTEST girls in school, and even though my mom always tells me that I’m a perfect stud muffin, let’s face it: my “good looks” and “charm” make me look like Gollum instead of Ryan Gosling. I know this is a bit of a stretch, but if you could just give me a total makeover and make me the perfect man candy for Lucy, I would owe you one big time.

I would also like to get invited to at least one party during my high school career. I heard Dear Santa, Lucy throws a party at her house every Winter Break and I want to see and smell the inside of her room.

Finally, I want a guitar. According to Wikihow, a way to get a girl’s attention is to impress her. I definitely want to be able to show off my mad guitar-strumming skills to Lucy. Mom says that a man who can play an instrument is one the ladies can’t resist.

Thanks in advance big guy.

Sincerely,

Winslow Sulewski