By Jaclyn Quan
Staff Writer
Dear Santa,
I have an important request: please raise my AP Biology grade to an A.
However, the problem is that I am an expert who is skilled in the art of procrastination, and this great ability inhibits me from reaching my full potential.
In particular, AP Biology has proven to be a very rigorous and challenging course to me. I am falling into the hollow depths of failure as I try to figure out the importance of proteins in the pathway of the cell.
Alas, I had given up trying to decipher the mysteries behind life processes due to lack of motivation and low spirits. It is absolutely impossible for me to bump my grade at an exponential rate at this point.
Since you are a great man with a huge heart, I kindly ask you to grant my wish. It may not be easy to hack into Mr. Velekei’s computer, but I trust your magical abilities to make this happen.
Sincerely
Jaclyn Q.